


Civil War (Alternatively: The Stark-Rogers Superbowl Warzone)

by Shiphard



Category: Deadpool (also sort of), Marvel 3490, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers, X-Men (sort of)
Genre: F/M, IF YOU'VE READ MY STUFF, Stoni, YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I SHIP THIS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-03
Updated: 2015-02-03
Packaged: 2018-03-10 07:19:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3281789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shiphard/pseuds/Shiphard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Steve, an avid Patriots fan, declares war on his wife, an avid Seahawks fan, the Stark-Rogers household erupts into war. Pitted against each other, Steve faces his wife and her army comprised of POed Colts fans (AKA their kids and Clint). Covering the six days leading up to the Superbowl.</p><p>So yeah, I'm not a football fan but I had to jump on this bandwagon. There's a whole headcanon behind this. Just a side-snippet of my original series: 3490 Meet 199999 and it's series A Long Way to Starkdom</p>
            </blockquote>





	Civil War (Alternatively: The Stark-Rogers Superbowl Warzone)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [VendelynSilverhawk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/VendelynSilverhawk/gifts).



> Okayyyyy so I'm not a football fan so excuse my ignorance but yeah. Basically I was texting mah buddy (VendelynSilverhawk, go read her stuff, she'd great!) and I was like: Headcanon, after Toni joined up with the Guardians she hacked into the Milano's systems and got NFL up there, thusly getting Quill hooked on the Seahawks because that is her fav team. So when the Patriots and Seahawks are at the Superbowl it's civil war in the Stark-Rogers house..." anyways yeah. To get the full universe read my 3490 Meet 199999 and soon my cowrite with VendelynSilverhawk which is currently nameless but will be up soon ;)

“Ayooo! Suck it Rogers!” Toni screamed, throwing the football that she may or may not have taken from James’s room at Steve. “We’re going to the Superbowl!”

Steve sat on the couch, a mix of boredom and anger on his face.

“Now that we’ve watched your Seachickens, can we please turn on the DVR and watch the goddamn Patriots?” He replied, arms crossed and not looking Toni in the eyes as she stepped down off the table.

“Watch them lose? Yeah sure, babe,” she replied, dropping down on the couch and taking the football back from Steve.

“Yeah, Steve, your team are cheaters and the Colts are gonna kick the Patriots’ asses,” Clint said, messily stuffing nachos into his mouth.

“Mom! Did you take-” James rounded the corner, the fifteen year old stopping in his tracks upon seeing his football being tossed into the air. “-my football… Mom! I need that!”

“You missed the Seahawks big win!” Toni called back, tossing the football up and over her head.

James sighed and examined the state of the living room; food was piled high over all the tables, bean bag chairs, blankets, pillows and miscellaneous forms of comfort were strewn around on the floor with various members of the Avengers residing upon them. Peter and Angela were parked in a mess of bedding by Kate and Francis and beside them on a literal mountain of beanbag chairs- that had indented into a makeshift nest- was Clint and mamochka.

“Good thing I’m a fan of the Colts,” he replied, picking up his football and then launching himself into the mess of blankets by Peter and Angela. There was a loud cry of protest as all four of his siblings were engulfed by a wave of blankets. “Ready to get owned, dad?” James called over, reaching forward for the nachos- courtesy of his mother and her journey into football foods.

“Hey kid, I hate to break it to you but your Colts are about to get schooled,” Sam called over. James sneered at him.

“Yeah, by the team with a history of lying and cheating? Naturally Captain America and his faithful sidekick would support the Patriots.” The team name slid off his tongue like poison and made him smile with satisfaction as his father and Sam stared at him in shock.

“That’s my kid!” Toni laughed, reaching for her beer.

“You missed the Seahawks man, you’re not worth anything!” Peter cried, waving his cast-coated arm into the air. Angela grabbed his hand and pulled her brother’s broken arm down.

“Shut up Pete, the guy’s talking about the Colts!” she cried, flashing her dad a toothy grin to which he narrowed his eyes at.

“Is everyone against me?” Steve huffed and kicked his feet up. Toni ruffled his hair.

“Nah, just the smart ones. Right Tash?” she replied, glancing at the frazzled assassin. Natasha shrugged.

“Doesn’t matter. His team beat mine, therefore, following the feudal laws of many tribal societies, he is now my better,” she muttered, staring blankly at the screen. James smirked at his mother.

“She’s with me on this one, Steve… she’s mocking you,” Toni muttered smugly to Steve, who was about to go for a fist pump. He withered sadly.

When Bucky appeared in the doorway the room erupted into cheering. Between Steve begging his best friend to support him, the kid’s screams of excitement and Toni’s proclamations of the Seahawks’ victory, Bucky grew confused and shrunk back slightly. Suddenly Hank was there, having popped back to normal size and subsequently making Janet roll her eyes.

“Seahawks!” he cried at Bucky, as if he was just now realizing that the Seattle team had won.

“Colts! Colts! Colts! Colts, Uncle Bucky! Sit your ass down and watch dad’s team get served!”

“Language!” All four of James’s parents shouted, though none of them but Steve seemed to put any heart into it.

“Eh! Shut it! It’s starting!” Sam cried. Bucky sighed.

“I’m calling Logan,” he muttered and left. Toni glanced over as he left.

“He’s just upset it’s not the Colts versus the Jets. I’m sure he would’ve preferred to see his two favorite teams face off,” Natasha huffed and leaned back into Clint’s chest. Steve shook his head.

“Nah, Bucky likes baseball better. Likes the Yanks ‘cause that’s who we’d getta go see,” Steve contradicted.

“Since when was he buddy-buddy with Logan?” Toni muttered right as Steve and Sam jumped to their feet.

“LET’S GO LET’S GO! MOVE IT! PASS IT!” Steve screamed at the TV.

“KICK HIS ASS! COME ON, DON’T LET THEM GET IT!”

The room was a flurry of screams- between Clint, Steve and Angela, no mortal could hear much less understand what was going on… but they weren’t mortals anymore, were they?

“PASS IT BRADY!” Sam screamed, both Steve and him angrily pointing(?) and shouting directions at the screen.

Toni stared at her husband with a raised eyebrow.

“Move it Colts! Let’s see some action!” She cried, just to spite Steve. He shot her a glare from the corner of his eye.

Needless to say, the Stark-Rogers household erupted into chaos when the Patriots took the win.

“Your team is full of dirty, lying, cheating scum!” Clint shouted, leaping to his feet and tossing his empty plastic cup at Sam.

“Haha! Suck it Barton!” Sam replied giddily.

Toni, still sitting, glared at the TV as if it had personally wronged her. Around her, her family was was either screaming in protest or in victory, either way it was a warzone.

“Face it Steve, your Patriots are cheaters,” she muttered. The room fell silent as Steve glared at his wife. James, Angela and Peter were giggling furiously.

“Yo, Stark!” Sam cried, putting a hand on Steve’s shoulder. “You don’t get to badmouth the Patriots.”

“They’re sore losers, and cheaters and they lie. Your team is bullshit and you know it,” she replied. Steve stared daggers at her.

“She’s right dad,” James and Ange muttered in unison.

“Is Aunt Toni and Uncle Steve’s marriage about to end, dad?” Kate asked her father expectantly.

“Hear now, Stark, for the next week we are no longer spouses. We are not friends, husband and wife, or teammates; we are enemies. This is a declaration of war,” Steve stated carefully, each word resounding around the room like a hammer hitting an anvil.

Toni rose to her feet and everyone watched carefully except for Natasha and Sam- who couldn’t be bothered to care. Toni steeled her eyes, set her jaw and cracked her knuckles. James, Peter and Angela all rose up behind her and crossed their arms.

“Well Stark-Rogers, consider my mansion a war zone. Good luck fighting a war with one soldier.”

“I have 54 thank you very much. And my general is named Tom Brady,” he spat back.

“Good for you, we have more than you- not to mention the thousands of twelfth men.”

“Stakes?”

“Seahawks win, you cook for a month- no complaining- and you have to end every comment on the comm with “beast mode”. Oh, and you have to formally congratulate each Hawk in your uniform with a twelfth man jersey. On live TV,” Toni replied smugly. Steve narrowed his eyes and grabbed his solo cup of beer, sipping on it before straightening his shoulders.

“Okay then, Ironman has to wear a Brady jersey for the next three battles, Stark Industries must come out publicly and make a statement saying that they support the Patriots and everyone in this room who opposed the Patriots is required to don a Brady jersey for three days.”

“Captain Rogers, I highly advise against the Stark Industries supporting the Patriots. Miss Stark has made it very clear and very public that both she and her company has donated to multiple  Seahawks fundraisers,” JARVIS piped up with.

“Yeah, and you can’t drag us into this mess, this is a Stark-Rogers bet,” Clint cried. “Plus, I refuse to wear a Brady jersey.”

“Everyone in this room is required to wear a Brady jersey,” Steve repeated menacingly. Toni chewed on her lip, James’s hand tightening on her shoulder.

“You’re fucked, Toni, even if the Seahawks are better, the Patriots are cheaters and obviously they’ll win,” Natasha muttered from her corner.

“Stay out of this,” Steve snapped, glaring at her.

“Well if I’m supposed to be wearing a Brady jersey then I better have a say in this,” she spat back.

“Alright, Spangles, you’re on. Just don’t get too excited, I wouldn’t want you to be disappointed when the Patriots lose,” Toni replied, and spun on her heel. “Let’s go kids. Kate, Francis, you guys like cake right? We’re gonna go eat the one Sam brought. It can be our spite cake.”

“Shit, my mom made that cake. Toni, don’t touch that cake!” Sam cried.

 

Day 1-Toni Withholds Sex

“Wow I’m tired,” Toni “yawned”, stretching her arms and flicking the lights to the bathroom off. Steve looked up to see his wife bedecked in her Fourth of July lingerie that rarely came out- Toni was patriotic, but not that patriotic. He set his book down.

“I would’ve thought that our conflict would restrict that,” he muttered. Toni grinned.

“Oh honey, this doesn’t mean I’m screwing you tonight! Oh, you’re so cute and innocent. No, darling, I’m just wearing this because I felt like it. So comfortable.” And with that her lamp flicked out and she sprawled out on top her covers. He stared at her for a moment before sighing, putting his book on the side-table and flicking out the light.

 

Day 2- School is Cancelled due to a Rather Tremendous Battle

Toni was absent from bed at four am. Steve was used to that so he didn’t wake up when she slipped out of bed, changed into jeans and a tank top and left the room. The queen of the manor marched down the sleeping quarters hall knocking on each of her children’s doors.

“Wakey-wakey kiddos, we’ve got twelfth man paint gun to make,” she called in a sing-song voice.

Each of the Stark-Rogers brood exited their rooms rubbing their eyes and glaring at their mother. James pulled his arms around his bare chest, realizing that he was standing in front of his mother and siblings in nothing but his basketball shorts. Angela was tying the tie on her robe and glaring at James who looked wildly uncomfortable. Peter was yawning and fiddling with the bottom button of his Deadpool pajamas- on a side-note, Peter liked Wade Wilson far too much and Toni was growing concerned… she should’ve never introduced them.

“Mom?” James grumbled.

“Come on, since your father’s waged war on the Seahawks we must defend them. Seeing as the Colts didn’t make it to the Superbowl, you guys need to stand up and help me out.” Peter’s eyes widened.

“Do we getta shoot dad with paint?” he asked excitedly.

“Blue, silver and green paint no less. But we need to have four handheld guns and two sentry guns made by six when your father wakes up. Come on, let’s go.”

“But… what about school?” Angela murmured. Toni shrugged.

“You’ve got a genius for a mom and a living legend for a dad, I think you can miss one day of school Angie.”

 

Steve was wanting coffee when he woke up. Expecting it even, because Toni had not been in bed and therefore there must have been coffee downstairs… right? Nope.

Instead he was greeted to with a very forceful pellet of fluorescent green paint splattered on his face, stinging.

“Haha! Suck it, Rogers! Get ‘im boys!” Toni cried, popping up from behind the kitchen bar and pelting Steve with a round of blue, silver and green paint pellets. James and Peter appeared from the under-sink cabinets and blasted him.

“Now Ange! Get him!” Peter cried, laughing loudly.

Angela appeared behind Steve and let off a rapid-fire bout of pellets.

When cease-fire occurred, Steve was a dripping, stinging mess of Seahawks colored paint. His family looked on at him, proud of their masterpiece.

“You got me,” Steve mumbled incredulously, eyes staring straight ahead in disbelief and his hands up, and was treated to another bout of paint in the face from the sentry guns.

“You got it on Vine, right mom?” Angela called over. Steve’s reaction played back in answer.

 

Day 3- Villain of the Week Comes Out to Play, is Treated to Toni Blasting him into a Building

“Yes, yes it is confirmed, the shape that Ironman blasted into the Stark Industries skyscraper was in fact an oversized 12. Images are now pouring in. Looks like you have a pretty big fan, Seahawks. Oh… and the Wrecking Crew has been apprehended. This is New York in the Morning, and I’m Harry Loud.”

 

Day 5- In Which Toni Almost Breaks Harlem

Okay so admittedly she’d had three too many glasses of scotch but it was also because prior to Steve, Toni had been a sex machine- not to say that she wasn’t anymore, but she no longer was a crazy meaningless fucker. She’d desperately needed to slam Steve Rogers against a wall and feel him up. Plus he liked it, right?

“Ahhh mom! Ewww!” James cried, passing the two in the trashed living room. A Friday night get-together with just a few of the Avengers (see notorious partiers Carol, Jessica, Thor, and Fandral in Sif’s place and Logan in a good mood) had spiraled downward into a raucous poker game.

“My house James!” Toni called back, sliding her hands up the back of Steve’s shirt.

It was a heated few minutes of Toni crushing her lips against Steve’s and debating furiously in her head whether or not she should drag him upstairs and through him on the bed.

“I thought you were putting an embargo on this,” Steve whispered greedily against her lips, his own hands hooked on her belt loops so he could pull her up.

Toni pushed herself away from him.

“Oh fuck you! Goddamn it Seahawks! Look what you’re doing to me!” she cried.

 

Day 6- Toni Prepares the Manor for the Superbowl by Draping a 12th Man Flag Over the Door

It was a really big flag. Like big was an understatement; the thing was the size of two king beds. Somehow- probably with the Ironman armor and Angela’s help- Toni was able to get the flag pinned above the door in a stable enough way so that the doors could sweep it up and not rip it off.

It aggravated Steve a little bit. A lot.

 

Day 7- The Superbowl

Every Avenger that was into football and in the New York area was at the Stark Manor for the Stark-Rogers Superbowl Showdown party. Steve had spent all morning bedecking the place in Patriots gear, then making food while Toni took down most of the Patriots stuff- Steve really shouldn’t have let his kids take sides.

And due to the fact that there was exactly four Patriots supporters- including Steve and Sam- in the Avengers (the others were Deadpool, because he had no idea what football was, and Billy Kaplan but that was only because he was a desperate Captain America fan) the house was awash in screams and tears and Toni throwing the football at the TV- Steve anchored it after the last time the Seahawk lost so it didn’t tip over.

Steve and Sam were cheering, dancing even, and Toni was screaming at the ceiling. In his nest, Clint was being cradled by Nat. In their corner the Avengers kids were a wreck. Both the Richards and Betty were shouting angrily at the television. And in the kitchen, parading around with a bowl of nachos on his head, was Deadpool.

The house was a wreck.

The paintball guns came out again.

Wade’s arm got blown off.

Peter laughed.

Moral of the story: Don’t watch the Superbowl at the Stark Manor… or with any of the Avengers.

 

Toni laid down and stretched out, yawning and running a hand through her hair.

“Got your Brady jersey right here,” Steve cracked, tossing a shirt at her and closing the door. She kicked the shirt away from her as if it was a deadly monster threatening to suffocate her.

“Gross,” she snapped back and sneered at her husband.

“Sorry my dear, but you made the bet, you must fulfill your obligations.”

Sighing, she rolled over, feeling like an angsty teenager. Her team had lost. She’d put her faith in them, allowed herself to think she’d never have to wear the jersey. She’d gotten arrogant.

“And if I refuse?” she replied. He laughed.

“I thought you’d say that. I figured it’d sweeten the deal if I fulfilled my end of the deal as well, stoop so low as to wear a twelfth man shirt.” He was over her now, pinning her to the bed. “Deal?”

There was a pause.

“Well… nothing can really make up for forcing me into this jersey but… alright… fine.” He eased lower.

“Does this make up for it a little bit?” he asked, dropping even further so their lips touched.

 

Captain America publicly congratulated each Seahawk in a twelfth man jersey. Ironman took down the Wrecking Crew ( _again_ ), Kristoff Vernand and MODOC in a Brady Jersey. She was still pissed.


End file.
